please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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