the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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