is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
