Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
