I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
