yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
