Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
