respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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