she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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