Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
