I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
