Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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