You really coming over, don't trick.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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