you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
