Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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