look no pants
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
