So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
