Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
