my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
