He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
