Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
