I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
