I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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