Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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