Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
