3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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