I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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