Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
