oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
