9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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