i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
