What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
