take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
