How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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