If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
