Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
