Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
