had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
