my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
