yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
