He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The air was thick with penises
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just puked most of my soul out..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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