just come out here and I will go home with you...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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