you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
