well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize