I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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