all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
