party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
