So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
