Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish my penis had an off switch
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
