I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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