I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
