need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
