I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
