When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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