So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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