she looked like the bat from fern gully.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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