I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
