Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
