this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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