Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
