I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize