you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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