I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
