the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
