she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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