i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
