You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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