News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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