We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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