I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize