im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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