drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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