he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize