Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
