thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
