I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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