I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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