life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
