When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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