Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
