Will you blow on my dice?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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