How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
