I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lets start a swedish sibling band together
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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